Rambling of a crazy coin lady about her Really STUPID B-I-L

[creilly]

Forgive me.. I must rant somewhere and since I can not do it to my husband. ( I don't want him to feel worse. ) FORGIVE misspellings, I am upset and probably wont spell check.
My brother in law ( 28yrs old ) is so stupid he put the B in DumB.
On June 8 he recieved an email match from some dating service. By June 27th they were spouting their undying love for each other. ( I know this because I read the emails. He asked me too. ) She lives in the Dominican Republic. They have never spoken over the phone. She emails him from work. John is OVERLY religious. Almost Cult like. Apparently so is she. ( He showed me the emails to prove to me they love each other. )
He said Hi you got a great smile, she said I like to smile.
He said We have a lot in common. ( I dont know why, they NEVER talk about anything)
He said your great, she said no your greater.
Hes the best, shes the best.
Hes awsome, no shes awsome...
God is awsome.. Were awsome with God. Blah blah blah..
He proclaimed love and didnt know her last name...
She cant come to the US even though Daddy has been here 10 yrs. She needs his help (Johns) with the help of God.
Litterally emails with 40 lines of I love you and Gods Prayer.
She now calls herself Mrs. Kayser. Our last name. He calls her wife, she calls him husband. Again never even talked on the phone, they dont have one.
He lives in the basement of the home his parents live in THAT my husband and I OWN. He does not pay rent, buy food or pay for gas, electrcity, or car insurance. he hasnt paid us back for the car we bought him to help him get to work so he can pay rent. He doesnt even pay for te internet he uses to contact her. He says he cant call her because Hubby took his cell phone away. Well WE pay for that cell phone. My 17 year old daughter wanted a phone for her birthday and we couldnt add anymore lines so we took his. He is an adult and working!!! But we are mean anyway.
On Thanksgiving we had my folks for dinner. John went to his sisters house. Mind you I asked my hubby about 12 times what is John doing for Thanksgiving? And he replied hes going to Beckys. Well aparently John checked his email at Beckys and left it on screen ... Email stated the I love yous and wife and husband crap then said he couldnt wait to see her on Tuesday.
An all out fight started because he was going over there and had told no one. His parents call us and beg us to stop him. We of course were in agreement. This trip is trouble!!
Friday he came to our house and I had a long talk with him, it is apparent she is manipulating him strongly. We asked him if he had tickets he said yes, I asked about flight ins, he has a pulled groin and could get money back, yes he has that. Ok hotel yes he got a hotel. So then I asked about shots and medical clearance etc.. NOPE so I pounded the health aspect. Ok not going.. Thank Goodness, he would wait until Jan and hubby would go with him.
Parents step in the next day and tell him to go. We convinced him NOT to go He even gave me his passport to hold. Parents start screaming at us that we are keeping passport from him and we TOOK it from him. He gave it to me and said hold this for me until Jan. I didt take it. So I told him to come over and get it on Sunday... Ok sunday....
He looked me in the face and lie to me First sd he bought plane tickets a month prior, but when he gave me the document nubmers of the eticket... I looked it up and it was bought at 11:24 PM on Thanksgiving day AFTER the fighting (just yelling) broke out. flight INS was bought SATURDAY AFTER I asked him about it. I confronted him. I asked Why are you lieing to us John. his answer.. Because I couldnt have Thanksgiving with you....... I told him all he had to do was call. He knew we were having the folks over , and he knew if he called we would have had him too. But no he never called us. Never asked when we called him. So I ask what hotel... refuses to answer... I pressure him finally comes out no hotel was going to stay at some church hostel in a 3rd world country.
So I book him a hotel.
Frankly I cant have him on the street. Right?
Well he left today. Arrived. This afternoon, I got a call from the pastor at the hostel, wanting to know if I could fax him Johns Birth cert for the marriage liscense. I DONT THINK SO!!!
As of right now he has not checked into the hotel 3 miles from the airport that I paid for and he promised on the Bible he would stay at. Has no phone to call him on, no credit card to track him with.
She just sent me an email letting me know he arrived and she would take care of him because she bought a generator so they have electricty for him and mom bought a rug to cover the dirt floor and hand made some curtains, so he would be comfortable. Oh and she loves him and may God bless everyone. I shortened the God's Blessing part she wrote 931 words on a prayer for me. 36 words letting me know she would care for him. Signed it Cyndi Kayser.


ULKDfn'ofieaoierigjflkbnaet'oiga eijgaeroigjhalkfmnasdpigjhtegjwapeijaognarpoighrokgj

He is on his own now!!! When he gets back its time for RENT and Car Insurance..... I aint paying his way any more. I cant stop mom and dad from feeding him, But I can charge him rent. I can cancel the car insurance.
Waste my money. I work for it!! Took many free rides.
Instead of paying us back a little at a time he saived all him money and bought $1600 round trip first class ticket at the last minute.

Ok well I 0dont feel better Cuz Im sick.. but least I let it all out... sorry to bore you, But I had to get it out.

[ldarrellc]

Okay what better place to vent but here when you are among friends. So I take this is venting day here so here I go ...........

[creilly]

Go for it......

[Dick]

Cathy, I can understand your frustration! It is very close to home. My younger son has one very much alike yours. Only this one is a Vietnam vet, and a useless self-pitying drunk! He is supported completely by his Mom, and sister. Mom buys the booze, and sister and bro-in-law support him. The situation you mention, (briefly), is typical of the women from many parts of the world. All they want is a "free trip" to the USA, no matter what it takes to get it. It is a business, nothing more. Give her a month, after she gets here,, and she will find a way to rid herself of the "new hubby", and start bringing her whole family to the US! My son married one, many years ago! She was MARRIED, and had a young daughter, but she married him, and when they came to the US, the little girl was with them, registered as the daughter of my son! Less than a month later, both disappeared. My other D-i-L ran into them about a year later, and the husband was now living here! My son was very deeply hurt by that, and didn't remarry, until last year! There are many stories like yours, and my sons! There just isn't any way to bring any justice to the situation! I feel sorry for the B-i-L, but he should "grow up" and face life! Do what you have to do, Cathy, it is the only way to get their attention, and maybe, just maybe get them to help themselves! My apologies to "hubby", but I'm sure He understands! Take carse of yourself! This is no time tio get sick!
Dick
LATER...
Cathy,I just read you post, and it confirms my suspicions! It doesn't add up to a very hopeful future for Her, the kids, OR the B-i-L. His general attitude indicates that something is lacking. On the other hand, maybe she will incur in him, the idea that he CAN be a man, and do the right thing! If it is HIS WILL, then we can expect some changes.

[creilly]

Thank you Dick.
I feel a lot better today.. Health wise Ill make it to the post office for Betty!!

As For John. His little lady has a 3 year old and a 5 year old. I failed to mention because kids are innocent and have to go with mom, ya know.

Felt so good just to vent. I am sorry about your son and I am glad he has been able to move past this and find someone.

[coop]

Well I thought my life/family were problems. But now thinking back, it looks pretty rosey now.

[Gabe]

Wow! What a story.

I have been to the Dominican Republic a couple of times. I cant imagine why somone would move from the states and move to a very poor country, with someone they dont know, without speaking the languague, and having to deal with all the problems in that country.

What a mess....

[Bob P]

I agree with Gabe's comment. It is quite the saga Catherine, and I can only state what others have already said. You can vent here any time. Your story really makes me wonder where 'being overly religious' comes into play here. I won't bad mouth anybody, but not a lot of it makes sense. I agree with you. Something is amiss here, and I only hope for his sake that it is not something serious. As far as him needing to be out on his own, AMEN! At 28 years old, he should have been on his own years ago, but not to some families. To each his own I guess. Keep us informed if anything changes...OK??

[creilly]

I am religious... However he can not complete a sentance with out thanking God for the ablity to speak... Thats what I mean, its very uncomfortable to be around.
Anyway.... Im over it now venting is what I needed and thanks Guys for listening.. Bet you wernt expecting that......

[Bob P]

Not really expecting that, but certainly willing to listen. Take care Catherine, and I hope you aren't ill for too long.

[coppercoins]

I maybe a bit harsh here...but if it were my brother and he was pulling a stunt like this living in my house...he wouldn't be tomorrow. Forget rent, bills, etc. Let him take care of that to someone else. You don't need the hassle.

[garylcsr]

Hello Cathy
I'm with Chuck on this one.give him his own personalized BOX but put it behind the local bar and grill so they can at least eat now and then. sorry if that is too harsh but you have your own life to contend with let him live his somewhere else. but don't forget to send him a Christmas card every year.
sorry that was bad. but it sounds like you have done your part a few times already. get well and have a great Christmas.
Gary

[creilly]

Im with you and Chuck on this one.
He should be arriving home today, shortly.
It will be a rude awakening when he gets there and sees the new rental agreement. If he doesnt sign it and and have a money order (No Checks) to me by noon tomorrow I will expect him to be out by the 4th.
Hubby is backing me on this one.

[garylcsr]

Way to go Cathy. but remember sticking to it is the hardest part. stick to your guns and you will make a man out of him or at least help him make the decision himself. and get yourself ready for the big fight. I have had to go this route and the whole family will blame you until they figure out that it is him and not you. you know how it is. there has always got to be a bad guy. just prepare yourself to be it for now. but remember (it gets better)

[coppercoins]

Being responsible is one of the keys to growing up, and it sounds like he has been given the chance to duck responsibility far too many times. The only way to force him to grow up and act his age is to give him some tough love...I wouldn't even go with the rental agreement, because he will end up skipping on rent, spending the money elsewhere, and you may end up just letting him do so. A landlord who isn't related to him wouldn't be so kind. He would have to learn responsibility or else. Period.