Waterskiing story

[Robert]

Well, kneeboarding actually...

I thought I would tell what I think is an amusing (yet 100% true story) about my first experience kneeboarding.

In case you're not familiar with it, a kneeboard is about a 1/3 size surf board that you kneel upon while being towed by a boat. There is a strap that goes across your legs to hold you on the board. The kneeboard is very maneuverable and it is easier to use than water skis.

I had been waterskiing before but I had never tried kneeboarding so I decided to go for it. I got on the kneeboard, strapped in and the boat took off. So far so good. After a few hundred feet I got the feel for steering, which you do by leaning left or right. The edge of the board digs into the water and you accelerate at an angle towards the boat. I stayed between the waves made by the boat wake and my confidence was growing fast.

I decided to do something I once saw on television. I would rotate 360 degrees while being towed. I thought to myself "All you have to do is make sure that whatever end of the kneeboard is closest to the boat should be up and out of the water". So I did the rotation slowly but deliberately and in a few seconds I had done it. Great! This is fun!

So now I start to get REALLY confident....

And I decide to see how fast I could go. I dig the right side of the board into the water and I take off fast. Must be going over 20 MPH (which is flying on the water) as I hop effortlessly over the boat wake. I end up almost parallel to the boat's transom but as far to the starboard side as the rope would let me go. So, what is the only possible thing to do now?

Of course...

I dig the left side of the board into the water and accelerate EVEN FASTER. I think I was doing about 30 MPH. I was really moving. And then something strange happened. Time actually began to slow down. Sort of like in a movie. I can't explain it. My thoughts were at normal speed but everything... the boat, the scenery, the water, everything appeared to slow down although I was fully aware I was going fast. Too fast.

And then it happened. I saw the boat wake and I realized things were not good. I hit the wake and went up. And up. And up some more. I was at least 4 feet in the air, maybe more while strapped on a board. Time slowed down even more as I began to feel weightless as I neared the apex of my ascent. For an instant I thought "Hey this is cool" but I had an an undefined sense of dread. I couldn't explain it but something was definitely wrong.

It then occurred to me what the sense of dread was about. I began to descend towards the lake's surface. But that wasn't the full explanation. OH, I UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM NOW. I AM SLOWLY ROTATING HEAD-FIRST TOWARDS THE WATER!

Yes, the board, in full flight, had begun do drop in a nose-down attitude and I would soon be hitting the water face-first, very fast and from a good height. My keen, insightful mind instantly grasped the notion that this was not a good situation and I should do something about it. But, remembering my physics class, I soon sadly realized that, like an airplane in a flat spin, I could move all I want but it would do me no good. I was going in and there wasn't much I could do about it.

About that time (seemed like several minutes since I hit the wake) I hit the water. I don't remember much about it except taking a small breath and bracing myself for the jolt. In the impact the board was ripped from my legs and I felt myself going head first deep into the lake. I hoped I would not hit the lakebed. Soon I felt myself decelerate and begin to rise in the water (ALWAYS wear a lifejacket!). The lifejacket lifted my face out of the water and I was glad because the shock seems to have left me paralyzed for a moment. I stay there motionless for a few seconds and then draw a breath. I can move my arms and legs so they're OK but I realize I CAN'T SEE!

Everything is dark gray/brown and murky. Something's badly wrong. Do I have a concussion? Did my head hid the lakebed? No, I don't think so. But why can't I see? I start to get anxious. Did I damage my eyes somehow? This is not good. Then I try to blink. Something is wrong because I can't. I squeeze my eyes shut and then I feel this sickening "POP" sensation and I feel what I'm sure is ocular fluid draining down my face. "OH NO!" I think. "I've burst my eyes!"

After about 5 seconds of panic I realize that what happened is that I hit the water so fast, I actually had water injected under my eyelids. When I blinked it all ran out. After a few more blinks I began to see normally again.

About that time the boat had returned. The boat driver said "Are you OK?" "Uh..." I replied, floating dazed in the water. So I somehow climbed back in the boat and was told "That wreck was as bad as it gets."

Oh great. I've done the most spectacular, worst possible wipeout you can do on a kneeboard. Too bad I didn't have a video camera recording it all.

And then the headache set it. It lasted the rest of the day.

[eagames]

My conclusion...

I'm too old for that, better keep searching for varieties

[coop]

Robert: I was just South of you a couple of weeks back. I was visiting my Daughter south of Oklahoma City. I've never did find my way around there. Its South in a town called Blanchard. I saw different things there, was always lost. As soon as they left the driveway, I was lost again......