Funniest joke we have heard.

[coop]

The Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time a guy asked
a girl, "Will you marry me?"


She said "No."


And the guy lived happily
ever after.


THE END

[rollmeupabe]

Coop,

I usually like to share a good joke with my wife but since today is our 23rd anniversary I may have to save this one to tell her later!

Here is a good one I heard recently. A guy is considering asking 1 of three women to marry him. To make the final decision he decides to put them through a test. He gives each of them $5000 to see what they would do with it.

The first woman goes shopping and spends $3000 on shoes, clothes, jewelry, etc., for herself. She then returns $2000 to the man and tells him she will always share everything she has with him. He was impressed.

The second woman returns the $5000 to the man. She tells him she has no interest in his money and only wants to marry him out of a sense of deep love for him. He was very touched.

The third woman invest the money in various assets and a month later she returns the $5000, plus another $5000 to the man. In addition she has additional money that she keeps for herself. The man was very impressed with her ability to make such a large profit in such a short period of time.

Now, which woman would you think the man wanted to marry?








The one with the biggest boobs of course!!!

A college room mate of mine visited me recently from Belgium and he had a whole list of jokes. My son and I thought about that one for a few minutes trying to determine which of the three money decisions the man would value the most. We laughed hysterically at the punch line.

[JRocco]

Good ones guys---Here is my favortite one liner:

What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall?















Dam......

[coop]

Message to the moon
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took theastronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks.
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon.
When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message: "Watch out for these bastards. They have come to steal your land."

[coop]

A cardiologist died and was
given an elaborate funeral. A
huge heart covered in flowers
stood behind the casket
during the service.


Following the eulogy, the
heart opened, and the casket
rolled inside. The heart then
closed, sealing the doctor in
the beautiful heart forever.


At that point, one of the
mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him,
he said, "I'm sorry, I was
just thinking of my own
funeral... I'm a
gynecologist."


That's when the proctologist fainted

[coop]

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible.
He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more.
Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and then tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then, 110, 120, 130 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Vette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at is watch, "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked at the trooper and
said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

[coop]

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 (like there are any …)

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you ???? "

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm .

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list

20. And you notice these are all in "Big Print" for your convenience.

[smed]

A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a black, a jew, and a blonde walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says...


























"What is this, a joke??"

[Dick]

Coop, this day and age, one can change three words, and make a whole new story: "guy","yes", and "they"!
Dick

[rollmeupabe]

While I was watching the ball game a few weeks ago, my
wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass.